Tess: Might contain spoilers...

OK, so I just finished the "Phase the Fourth: The Consequence." I have to say that overall, this book has been very un-relatable to me as I did not grow up in quite the same society, and the societal rules of our time are so very, very different overall from the Victorian society Hardy was writing about and for. However, I have to say that this last phase or so has really been interesting to me because I can see parallels to the LDS church and that "society." I think everyone in book club is or was LDS growing up, so we are all familiar with the Church.

(Here is where you might find book spoilers.)

So, in Phase the Third, Tess goes to work in a dairy and meets Angel Clare, a gentleman that is wanting to be a farmer and is thus working there to learn the trade (basically). Though she resists his courting (sort-of), they eventually fall in love. Though she feels unworthy of his love as she is actually technically not a maiden (having been raped in the woods when she was 16. Which as a side note is somewhat debated...the question is whether she was raped or whether she just gave in. Given the societal norms and her dislike of the man though, I have come to the conclusion that I think she was definitely raped-anyone disagree?!)

Anyway, she falls in love with him, but feels unworthy and after much resistance she agrees to marry him (which causes her great sorrow and great joy). So, once she agrees to marry him, she is torn-to tell or not to tell, that is the question. Now for Tess, the fact that she is not a maiden is not a secret as a baby resulted from the night in the woods-people saw the baby, she nursed the baby openly, and was obviously the mother (in case you are reading this and have not read the book, FYI-the baby died at like 10 days old which I cried all during the part where he was dying and being buried). So, people know this, and she figures it will come out sometime, and she probably ought to tell Angel before she marries him so he knows what he is getting. She determines to tell him, but then her mother writes to her and tells her not to-basically just be glad you landed such a great gentleman and do not say anything that could ruin that.

She goes back and forth over whether to tell him and really tries to tell him a couple of times before they wed, but cannot do it (once she writes him a letter that he never sees and opens, and once, on the morning of the wedding he tells her that he also has a confession, but lets not talk of those now-today should be perfect, so no unpleasant confessions.) So, they get married. Then he confesses that he is not exactly pure, which makes her comfortable in confessing her "transgression." So she does. He is shocked and cannot forgive her and is at this point in the book trying to figure his way out of this grand mess.

Now, in our society today, people don't generally wait for marriage, except in our world of the LDS church. We believe in being chaste and virtuous and we only have sex within the bounds of marriage. Now, granted, people make mistakes, people sin, and we believe we can be forgiven for our sins. I actually do not believe that having sex before marriage even as a member of the Church is THAT big of a deal if you work it out and repent. But it still might be something you'd mention...

As I read Tess, I was just thinking of it in current Mormon terms-imagine a seemingly worthy man and woman dating, getting engaged, marrying in the temple. Then the wife, after she has essentially caught him in an eternal commitment says, "Oh by the way, I am not exactly a virgin, and I had a child from my previous relations, so my whole stake knows about it. But it's cool, we can just move into a different stake and it will be alright?" Now, the husband is not only from a different stake, but from a whole different state all together and had no clue whatsoever. He would understandably be shocked, and it would be somewhat of a scandal to hear of.

Like I said, I do not think that it is a deal breaking sin, and I do not think it should be a problem IF you have repented (in my example). However, I do think the whole idea of confessing to the husband AFTER the marriage, knowing that it would kind of make him look stupid, that the society would scorn him somewhat, and knowing it puts him in an awkward situation, is just dumb. It makes him seem like a butt of a joke in a sence as he was unaware and everyone else was. Why do people not talk about things?! I know it is hard to confess to "big sins," but when it will affect their life to, don't you owe it to them to let them know and then let them decide whether it is a complication they are willing and able to handle?

As a complete side note of a story, when Wes and I were engaged, we were talking one night about "deal breakers" AKA-things that would have made either of us not want to marry someone. Wes said "I am just glad you don't have debt cause that could totally be a deal breaker!" Well, guess what folks? I had over $5000 credit card debt from being a stupid teenager/young adult. So, we were like a couple weeks to our wedding at that point, invitations were out, and here he was telling me I had a deal breaker that I had not told him about.

I told him about the debt, right away. It was scary and hard because he had just told me that was a deal breaker for him. When I told him he stared at me blankly (in shock I think), then walked away and sat on my couch. It was quiet for a minute (during which time I can only assume he was debating how big a deal breaker it was), then he said, "OK, lets sit down and figure this all out. How much, exactly?" And this turned into a big serious discussion where Wes saw my complete stupidity on the subject, and I am sure he left my house that night just as shocked and freaked out as Angel in the book was. I only tell this story to illustrate that I KNOW firsthand how hard it is to tell someone you love something that is a "deal breaker" to them and then to leave it to them to decide whether they are willing to deal with your past or not.

So, those are some slightly disjointed thoughts...I just think it is SOOO dumb of Tess to put it off, no matter how hard it was to admit. Initially in the book, her tragedy was caused to some extent by her own choices (putting herself in a situation where she was alone with Alex D'Urberville for example), but also much of her tragedy was due to others' choices (Alex, the rapist). However, as her story gets more and more complex, her choices are dumber and dumber and she is making her own tragedy through her choices...any thoughts?

If you made it through this-kudos!